downtown street in springSpring is here! I know that because there is still frost on the grass in the morning, and it is wicked hot in the afternoons.  Flowers are have poked their colorful heads out of the moist and fertile ground along with every worm that had ever lived when the rains come down. It seemed to happen overnight. The trees and grass were once just barren, yellow and caustic and then the next morning, green! The Earth, overnight, had repainted itself.   Colors, now wild and free, sprung to life like a Mother Nature on a twelve hour makeover show.


I love the spring. There is so much promise in the spring! Of the seasons, spring is the best. Fall is good also, but spring, pound for pound, has much more to offer. OK, summer has beaches, and that is awesome also, but spring! Spring folks! You cannot do better than spring. Fall has some cool leaves, but it also has a darkness. Winter is just behind that door and could be knocking at any time. If you live in the North, you know how quickly the snow can arrive. Pretty leaves with the chance of a horrible snow or the ability to see colorful flowers blooming and getting to go to the beach? With spring, you can have it all!

Spring is growth. Spring is hope. Spring can be a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. Spring can be a torrent of rain. Spring can be tornados. Spring can be hail. Spring can be violent one minute, and gentle and tender the next. Spring is a slap in the face. Spring can be a glass of water tossed at you. Spring can be an ex-lover that teases and leaves you in a parking lot to watch her go off with another guy. Spring can be a dominatrix that is both cruel and kind. Well, you get the picture.


I am so looking forward to enjoying this spring. I look forward to the windows down in my car, riding along on the long and lonesome highway. Wind blowing in my hair! Oh, and PENDOT fixing all the potholes left over from winter. Lane closures. Traffic backups. A giant flashing arrow pointing to the lane that I was in, and I moved, thinking I had to get into the other. Cars honking. The stink of asphalt as they start laying down the new roadway. Oh, did I mention allergies? Yeah, spring is a wonder.

Snow Again, Again

lonely winter roadOn this lovely first day of Spring, God drops the bullshit card, AGAIN. You thought you were getting out? Only six more weeks from your furry friend saw his f*ing shadow? HA! HA! He/She has the last laugh! If you are not in the northeast, then this blog means nothing to you. Your weather, for all I know your weather is like the 86 degrees expecting in Florida or something more presentable for Spring. My brother be damned! I am glad you are trying out your pool for the first time this season. I am stuck shoveling snow. As I watch the white wisps of frozen precipitation outside my window, longing for Bing Crosby singing White Christmas. (cue: record scratch) It’s f*ing Spring! The poor birds have been chirping outside my window since February. They are sick of this fluffy stuff too! Get on with it! Move on to the next season! LET IT GO!

Mother Nature is being a jerk. There is just no other explanation. She is being like a bully on a playground that just took your kickball and isn’t going to give it back until you do something degrading in front of all you classmates. We all need to take a stand here. We need to draw our name in the snow, or something that we are not going to take it anymore from this weather nemesis. Snow is for winter. Spring is for those stupid flowers and rain. No white stuff! OK, maybe getting a free Rita’s Italian Ice today is permissible. We are all built on principles, and I am sure if Mother Nature is reasonable, she will see it our way. NO MORE SNOW OR ELSE! That is just the way as it has to be. I mean what could we do? Stop buying Promise margarine? We could all pretend that we do not care, drive crazy in our 4X4’s, oh, wait, there are people that already do that. Moreover, I pray that they get into an accident. Doing sixty on snow and ice just asking for it. I know that makes me a bad person but just once I’d like them to flip horizontally, say, twelve times, just to shake up their brains. No one else would be harmed in this scenario. In the end, the driver would realize they are a dick. I do not need you to prove to me your masculinity while you torment me driving on my bumper. Yes, I have a small car. I am not over compensating like you in your quad cab, Hemi diesel with four tires on the back, so you can pick up your little princess at dance practice.

However, I digress. Snow go. It is Spring. It is time for green stuff and birds that don’t look like homeless people in New York. And flowers; colors! We need to get rid of the blahs. One other thing, let’s not jump right into Summer. I like Summer when it is Summer, not when it is Spring. Like sex, I need a little foreplay before I go full tilt. Just a suggestion.

Snow Again?

lonely winter roadSnow. Who needs it? I walked out of my apartment this morning at 6:15 AM to see a fresh blanket of the white stuff all over. “WHAT!” I thought. Not having been alerted by cell phone, by the weather man on TV and over the internet you could imagine my surprise this morning. I would have worn warmer shoes! I would have mentally prepared myself beforehand to dealing with slick roads in my newer car before step out the door. Snow? I do not like driving in the snow after smashing my old car a few winters back. I’ve built up anxiety even with just the thought of precipitation. I took a deep breath and stepped carefully to my vehicle. Although the temperature was above freezing the snow remained as a crunch under my shaky legs. From the parking lot, I could tell the snow fall started recently. Two other spots had been covered over with the white stuff. The air was quiet. It was no more than an inch, but it still was a nuisance. I had to clean off my car!

The drive to work was filed with weather as well. There were those that didn’t seem to be affected by the blowing of snow directly toward us. Others like me were bare-knuckled, holding the steering wheel in the glow of the alert signs flashing “Winter Weather Ahead Please Slow Down.” Cars were whizzing past me, kicking up debris in their wake, trying to prove something to themselves. I took it slow, stayed in the lane, and tried not to make any violent control movements. Snow is a strange thing. It can be good and provide a firm base to drive on. Other types of snow can be slick. I think I lucked out venturing out in the beginning and thus missing out on the slicker parts. Taking my time, I did not run into issues although I did see some police cars about my journey. I was fortunate to be on the opposite of the roadway.

At this point, you probably think it was just a little snow. There are worse people out there. So what! I would have to agree. I like snow in movies. I like snow when I do not have anywhere to go, have the fireplace roaring, and snuggled with my honey under a warm blanket inside. Snow outside? Shoveling? Cleaning? Ugh! It is days like this that make me think of how much I will bitch about the heat when it becomes summer. I am not happy with the weather unless the temperature is somewhere in the middle.

I am looking forward to retiring to Key West. Rain I can handle and gentle breezes from the coasts. I look to the future when I can sit in my hammock and stare at the sky as the clouds drift in and out of view. Warmth. Humidity. The day I can leave this cold will be awesome. Will I miss snow on Christmas? We have not had snow on Christmas here in years.   No biggie! I can live without it. I will also not miss the slick ice, cleaning the car, and worrying about making it to work in the morning.

One good thing about today though. After today, there is one less day of winter weather to go.


stormy sky

Sunday I was lying in bed hearing the pitter-patter of rain on the roof, feeling like blah, and wondering how anyone could be excited about that.  I find it all depressing, rain, humidity, black clouds in the sky blocking the sun from getting through.  I’ve had friends that were excited about clouds and rain.  It really has to make you think about them, doesn’t it?  Maybe it’s because of the way my parents raised me?  “No playing in puddles, keep out of the mud, don’t get wet, stay inside, keep away from windows because lightning might hit you.  Stay off the phones, because lightning travels through the telephone lines.   Stay out of the shower because it’s a target for lightning.  Turn off the air conditioner because, if the power goes off, you don’t want the air conditioner to come back on line in mid-cycle.”  I’ve been programed to be afraid of the rain.  It’s build in to my psyche.    I have no choice to be unhappy.  It’s my parent’s fault!   There is nothing as sad the sad face of a child pressed against a window when it’s raining.  Hopes dashed.  Anyway it used to be that way when I was a child.  Now, it’s just more time to watch TV and play video games.

What is rain for anyway; for those greedy little plants, trees, and flowers!  They have their time in the spring to get the water they need.  Summer is for humans, for the beach, for sun, and those little buddings just have to suck it up.  I deal with two months of rain in the spring; can’t I just get some sun?  How dare they spoil my summer, particularly, for the “last weekend” for summer!  They say the week is going to be hot and sticky this week, oh great!  I love me some hot and sticky weeks.  <eyeroll>  Maybe I should make a blanket statement here?  Yes, it’s been a moderate summer this year, and I shouldn’t be bitching, since the winter here was so harsh, but we did have hail.  In Pennsylvania!   I lived in NJ for sixteen years, and I saw hail once.  Just once!   I didn’t expect to see hail for the rest of my life, and it’s here.  WTF!  OK.  Twice in a life time is too much.  I don’t know how others deal with it on a yearly basis.  I guess they deal with it the same way we deal with mounds of snow and blankets of ice in the winter.  Weather is not fair, but it’s balanced or should be balanced; warm and sunny in the west, the northwest has rain, the south is dry and warm, and the east is temperate.  Yes, temperate; we see the sun, the rain, the snow, the heat, the cold, the wind.  We get it all, so there is no reason to have extremes in weather.   No hail!  I don’t want to see it.

I could live in the northwest where it’s raining all the time.  I suppose I should be glad.  I remember a neighbor telling me, she previously lived in Minnesota, that when the sun came out, it was party time and they dragged out the bar-bar-q, since it happened so frequently.   I need sun.  I count on sun.  I need the vitamin D it produces in my body.   Give me sun, or give me partly cloudy!  Weather has no excuses!


little girl outdoorsThe day is beautiful.  There must be something redeeming in that statement but I’m afraid that means nothing while I’m sitting here inside.  I did a bunch of bitching when the weather was no so great.  Last winter was either ice or snow for the most part.  Technically we are still in spring, but it’s a lot more like summer out there and I’m here at home, only stepping outside to have a smoke.  The weather is beautiful.  No rain.  No hail.  The few clouds in the sky are afraid to even show themselves on a day like today.  Only the most brave and puffy are lingering in the spring fresh air.

Most of you are probably screaming through the monitor to get my butt from this house and get some sun.  I have the option of going to a pool for Chrissakes, but I’m still here typing.   Don’t get me wrong, I love the beautiful weather.  There something so simple as to get into my car and not have to worry about whether I will have to have a cover on my skin, or even have to trudge through feet of snow, dig out my car, and pray I don’t become the a tree’s worst nightmare, sliding out of control on ice.  Maybe it’s too beautiful.  Yeah, I’ve set it.  With a week of rain coming up in the forecast, I need to take advantage of this perfect day, or living with the Noah effect will make it all the more precious.

I’ve thought about it.  I really need to get out of here.  But here is my dilemma, what am I going to do?  With all these options what could I do? What would I want to do?  If I lived in Key West, I know what to do, go to the beach.  What else would you do?  Here in mostly landlocked Pennsylvania there really isn’t much to do.  I don’t want to spend money, for what?  Sun?  Most of the time it’s free, assuming there is enough sunscreen on you that you don’t wind up paying for it in the end.   I know that is just my negativity talking, but there is something to be said for stage 3 melanoma to ruin a guy’s day.

Sun has always been a component of my family; picnics, outside parties, etc.  It was the great gatherer; start the grill and they will come.  Hot and sweaty sizzling under the great orange ball in the sky was part of every childhood summer.  There was always a weekend holiday party to be present at.  Meeting the relatives.  Chowing down on food, going home, and lying in bed realizing kind of what it was like to feel like a lobster in a pot of boiling water.   I look back fondly, although at the time I was wonder what the fuck did I do to deserve all this itchy peeling skin in places I didn’t know I had.   If I wanted peeling skin, I could have avoided the sun and put rubber cement or Elmer’s glue on, wait for it to dry and then peel it off.   NO PAIN!

Cars are whizzing by, I can see though my window.   Trees are all green and smiling, are caressing the gentle breeze.  Joggers run up and down the hill next to me.  Squirrels jump and frolic in the high dandelioned grass, playing tag.  A bird just bumped my window.  Mosquitos are even on the job, sucking blood from unsuspecting naked arms and legs.  This could be a great memory.  I could be lying in bed later in the week, unable to get up because of the drearies brought on by the copious amounts of rain thinking of this time, when once I decided to step from the safety of my apartment, to bask in the rays of the great life giver in the sky.  I could, or I could just watch more television.

Where Is Spring?

flowering yellow dandelionsThe summer winds came in way too early this year; I like warm weather, but not right after snow.  Much of my happy childhood memories revolve around this concept called “spring.”  Perhaps in your distant days the echoes of spring are still resident in your memory.  It is one of my most beloved seasons, because it ushered in summer, and, I’m not stupid, the end of school.  But, back in the day, (yes, I’m starting to sound like my grandfather), we had beautiful sixty to seventy degree weather for like months.  Birds didn’t already look like they were sweating.  Flowers didn’t all come out on the same morning, they were scattered throughout this spring time, so people could enjoy them each.  At the beginning there were the tulips around Easter time, and by the end there were explosions of color.  Everywhere.  My cherry tree is already losing its delicate pink flowers.  They only came out a couple of days ago.   This warm weather is causing everything to accelerate.  Danelions, yellow yesterday, are now gone to seed, ready to spread the grass with its annoying appearance, given a good stiff wind or a kid kicking them sets them free.   It is madness.

There was also a graduation loss of clothing.  Women and men didn’t simple move to speedos and shorts the instant that the weather changed.  It was gradual; loss of jacket, a short sleeve, then shorts, flip-flops, and then the occasional tank top.  Now, the first time it hits above fifty, there are pale naked limbs everywhere.   How are we supposed to adapt?  Where is the protocol? I have a perfectly good leather jacket that is collecting dust because there wasn’t that middle time between the winter and the summer.  I’m already wearing short sleeves to work, because of the heat.  I look like Sipowicz for cristsakes!  And it’s only May!

We need to get back to the old days.  Whatever we are doing that we shouldn’t should stop.   Like the old saying, “Everything in moderation,”  Mother Nature.    I really don’t want to live in a region where summer is nine months of the year, and the other three months is snow.   If I want to live in Florida, at least I could take advantage of the no shoveling, or my brother’s pool.  There a jacket is a rarity, and bare limbs have a natural tanned hue.