5 Things You Didn’t Know About Not Knowing

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In this, the few hours before the Christmas holiday, every website is giving their list of things you aren’t supposed to know, in lieu of real information:

  • 10 Facts about the Holiday season
  • 8 Things You Never Knew about “Elf on the Shelf.”
  • 11 Ways to Flu-Proof Your Home
  • 10 Of The Most Bizarre Animal Species Discovered in 2015
  • 10 Dishes to Make For Christmas Morning Breakfast

I love it! There are so many articles out there.  I want to learn everything and knowing that Donna Reed’s daughter wasn’t named after Mary from It’s a Wonderful Life (she’s named after her grandmother) will really help me in life if I ever get on Jeopardy.  What more to you need to know about Elf on the Shelf that isn’t already in the title?  Can anybody really Flu-Proof you home if you have kids in child care?  I think not. Even if you are running after them with Clorox wipes for everything they touch.

Some of these facts doesn’t even make sense.  10 Dishes to Make For Christmas Morning Breakfast?  If coffee is not one of them, then fuck you!  Coffee is a dish in my house and it is best served hot.  How many animal species can you remember?  All of the new ones look like the old ones, except there is a new name for them.  10 Facts about the Holiday season?  I’m going to be in my underwear watching It’s a Wonderful Life Christmas Eve while my girlfriend is asleep on the couch.  That is a fact!  All of my Christmas Cards will arrive after Christmas (because I haven’t started them, actually I’m waiting for other people to send theirs so I can copy their return address.) That is a fact!  Oh, Martha has a new cat that’s been added to her card, how nice!  I’m sure Fluffy will be heart broken if I forgot her name.

Ok, enough of the bitching.  Here is my list of things you didn’t know about not knowing:

  1. I was going to write this. This is a given. Someone was about to and I beat them to the punch. He’s a suggestion, write about knowing about not knowing.  I knew that I didn’t know I was not knowing.
  2. This is where the writer tries to surprise you can keep you reading.  75% of people surveyed didn’t know that they didn’t know and thought that they knew. Now you are impressed.  There was a survey.
  3. This one is usually one that you kind of remember.  Some of the people on the Earth are women and some others are men. Way obvious! Even my cat figured that out.
  4. Now it’s blatantly obvious. This is an satirical article. If you didn’t get that, start back at the beginning.
  5. Blah blah blah.  No one reads the last one anyway.

Well, now you know what you didn’t know about not knowing.  If there are any questions, please put them in very small type and email it to yourself.

Happy Holidays!