The Life of a Writer

black coffee and a book

The life of a writer is all about the glitz and glamour of the ‘life.’  We all have limos take us to our book signings just as you would imagine.  We all have private jets to take us to Cabo or Bermuda at a whim. Paris and London are just waiting for us to find out about our next book, with bated breath. Paparazzi are clamoring about our personal lives, with photographers waiting to take photos of us at lunch or dinner with the great directors, seasoned actors or Hollywood producers.  My wait staff does my laundry and takes care of my mansion. I don’t spend much time there, I’m always on the go. You would wonder how I have time to write all my books, I’m releasing twelve this year. It a tough life, but someone has to do it. I too was once a simple dime store self-published novelist, only years ago…

5:20 AM. I was laying in bed for two hours after waking from a dream about a kid telling jokes. I tossed and turned until I had to get up for my job, system engineering at a hospital.  I start at 7, but by the time I shower, shave, dress, feed the cat and kiss my girlfriend, I’m on the road at 6:15.

6:30 AM I’m standing in line in the cafeteria, at the hospital. My eyes still haven’t adjusted to the neon lights above and I’ve asked, “The usual.” Yes, I respond and head for coffee. Just the smell has started to wake my brain cells, but the time I return to the line I’ve had several sips and the partial hangover from last nights time “out with the boys” is slipping away. Amen.  I get my western omelet and English muffin (the same thing I’ve eaten for breakfast for the last 13 years here) gets covered in garlic powder and oregano before I pay.  I cover the top with ketchup in a smiley face. The two halves of the English muffin become the eyes.

6:45 AM I’m at my desk stuffing my face and drinking coffee like there is no tomorrow. I’m reading through my Facebook page for things I can post to Online Community Writers and Mifflin Writers Group. Hey, were all writers and we all deserve the chance to succeed. And when I’m famous and rich, I’ll still give back.  I check my email, delete spam. Nothing important to respond to, and I feel truly inferior. I’m planning to work over lunch on my novel, but I don’t even have a clue what I’m going to write about.  This is the scariest of times. Usually, I have some direction, at this point and am chomping at the bit for some free time to write. I’m blank.

7:00 AM – 11:00 AM. I spend time at my day job. I can’t tell you about it without killing you. It’s all HIPAA stuff and I don’t want to go to jail for giving up some protected information. I’ll just say that I’m good, and they are perfect.

11:00 AM I grab lunch as I could down the minutes till I’m planning to write. I create a salad at the cafeteria’s bar, all kinds of greens, carrots, black beans, black olives, a little cheese, croutons, and cranberries.  A scoop of Santa Fe Chicken Salad completes the meal.  Oh, and balsamic vinaigrette.   I pay and head to my desk, finish some work before the bewitching hour.

12:00 I open my draft of Mariline. It’s a good draft and I start reading. I still don’t know where I’m going with it. It’s not singing to me and I’m worried. I put on Radio Mozart and I let his melodies sink in. I’m adding something here and there and suddenly it’s

1:00 PM Make a backup copy of my script. I’m happy I was able to continue, but there is still so much to go. Back to work.

3:00 PM My co-workers and I break for coffee and talk about the things that are bugging us or what new in the cinema.  It’s a refreshing moment to take pause and see the duck that has decided to nest between the buildings on our way to the café.

4:00 PM I’m in my car and I’m heading home. Traffic isn’t too bad. I’m worrying as I speed down the entrance ramp, but I’ve timed it just right, I’m on and heading east.  The windows are down, and the wind is blowing what little of my hair around. 

4:15 PM I’ve gotten the mail and came home to my loving girlfriend. I want to kiss her but with all that coffee my ass will kiss the toilet seat before I kiss her.  I make up for that after I get out of my tie and into comfortable clothes.

5:00 PM Kim and I have been discussing our day and now we are deciding on food or TV.  Television wins out and the ten or so Investigation Discovery Network shows left on the DVR.  Blood, death and murder keep us occupied. I’m pulling out a bottle of Vodka and making a martini while still listening to the announcer talk about more blood, death, and murder.

6:00 PM I heat up some Smart Choice food and make a little side salad, still catching up on those murder shows. 

7:30 PM After all that death, I kiss Kim goodnight, and I go into the bedroom and read for a hour. The book in riveting and I’m really enjoying it. 

8:30 PM I fill my CPAP machine. Kiss Kim goodnight and I try to fall asleep. Audrey, my cat, decides that I’m the perfect shoulder to lay on and sniffs my ear and licks my face. Against her best efforts, I’m out cold.

2:00 AM I realize that Kim is in bed with me as I hear her groan about Audrey jumping across her pillow to get to me. Audrey sticks her bony feet it my arm and side as she settles again on my shoulder. Now she’s licking around my ear, trying, I guess to clean up the hairline around it. I’m trying to fall back asleep but there is something gnawing at me about my book. 

4:00 AM There is a scene that keeps going over and over in my mind.  I have to remember it for tomorrow when I’m working on the book draft.

5:00 AM I fall asleep.

5:30 AM DAMN!  I overslept!

That was the life of this writer not too long ago.

When the Interns Are Away

 

black coffee and a bookI’m stuck over the summer without my right hands.  The kiddies have left and I’m am up to my own to answer these questions posted to the comment section of my blogs.  I warn you, they may not be as witty as I’m able.  I’m holding back funnier stuff for a later date and time.

  • When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get three e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Thanks a lot! fiscoe@gmail.com, xjsghpboepz@gmail.com

  I have looked into this, and no. There isn’t anything on my side to take away this nuisance. Let that be a warning to all of you…

  •  I don’t drop a leave a response, however I looked at a lot of comments on %BLOG_TITLE%. I do have 2 questions for you if you tend not to mind. Is it just me or do some of these remarks appear like they are written by brain dead folks? And, if you are writing at additional online sites, I would like to follow you. Would you post a list of all of all your social pages like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile? wcbfcz@gmail.com

I’m glad you spend the time looking through “%BLOG_TITLE%.”  “%BLOG_TITLE%” one of my favorite posts.

Brain dead folks? I think the PC word would be sentenced handicapped. Not knowing where they are coming from, as not everyone here is from New Jersey, I don’t make so many limitations on my praise. A pat on the back is a pat on the back, and a kick in the ass is, well a boost into next Tuesday. I could list all my pages, but the links are on my website http://www.ejeisman.com and right here on the blog site. Look on the navigation bar, you’ll see where you need to go.

  •  Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good gains. If you know of any please share. Appreciate it! wtdcuarva@gmail.com

I have no clue. Oh, wait…

  • Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword….wait there’s even more Now what if i told you there was a simple WordPress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That’s right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. Seo Plugin    ddchnnfc@gmail.com, ibjxujl@gmail.com, rcjldt@gmail.com, sorbxliwf@gmail.com, gejetuwn@gmail.com, dnploafwg@gmail.com, foywtuixkkj@gmail.com, egbanb@gmail.com

 I don’t know if it is any good but there are a bunch of people pushing it.

  • Hi there! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I really enjoy reading through your articles. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that deal with the same topics? Thanks! qbtytgrw@gmail.com

Hmm, who would want to write like me?

Do I? Look above any you will see the link for Twitter. I would be honored for you to follow me!

  • Hello would ʏou mind letting me know wҺich wеbhost you’re using? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 differеոt broԝsers and I must say this Ƅlog loads a lot quicker thеn most. Can you reсommend a good hosting proviɗer at a reasoոable price? Kudos, I aрpreciate it! warnerives@gmx.de

I don’t know if their price is reasonable but I have my website through Yahoo. I’ve used it for many years and while I’ve been frustrated with it sometimes, it does a decent job for the most part. With the package, I have MySQL and WordPress (for blogs).

  •  My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find most of your post’s to be exactly I’m looking for. Does one offer guest writers to write content to suit your needs? I wouldn’t mind creating a post or elaborating on a number of the subjects you write regarding here.  Again, awesome web site!   carmenproctor@gmail.com

Thanks for your high praise.  I do welcome guest bloggers, as I did for Karen Cole on 1/25/2013.  If you have something you’d like to talk about, regarding writing or related field, send me an email  ej@ejeisman.com.  I will review the article and if it fits within the parameters I’ve mapped out, I would be happy to post it. 

Thank you all for your comments.